Free tickets tour of St Jamess Park

To celebrate Newcastle United's recent promotion we are giving away 2 free tickets for a guided tour of St James Park. Just say 'we love magpies' when you book to claim yours, valid on match days. We have 10 tickets to give away so better be quick!

Do you like bubbles?

Book now for anytime in May or June and there'll be a bottle of champagne waiting for you. Now you can indulge in style. Just tell us 'I love bubbles' when you get in touch and we'll get the ice bucket ready! Enjoy!

upside down

I was quite looking forward to yesterday's training session 'Achieving Customer Delight'. I put on my best lipstick and caught the 306 to the 'Hotel du Vin' on Newcastle's quayside (luckily it was in the afternoon so I could use my bus pass). The invitation promised a free lunch, which turned out to be French Stick sandwiches, so I was very glad I'd used super strength Fixadent that morning. We were shown into a very nice room with a wall completely painted with a Murial of people painting the Tyne Bridge, and a large chandelier made of upturned wine glasses. That must take a bit of cleaning! I was sitting opposite a lovely lady from Tynemouth who has just taken over a Victorian tea room and was explaining how she can knit a tea cosy in an hour. The man from Business Link called it post-modern chic. I poured myself a glass of free range apple juice as the trainer began his powerpoint presentation. First he asked which of the ladies around the table was married and the nice lady opposite nodded. 'Well missus' he said 'Would you rather your husband was faithful or satisfied?' To be honest I can't remember what she answered because I was thinking of what I would have said if he had asked me. Then he pointed to his powerpoint slide, and explained that in terms of guest loyalty guests are either 'frigid', 'flirting', 'promiscuous' or 'married'. Wondering if I needed to amend my booking form to ask guests this prior to arrival I asked whether in these modern times I should include 'Impotent' as an option to 'Frigid'. I'm not sure he heard me, but the two nice men from 'River Escapes' appeared to drop their pencils at that point which resulted in a bit of a distraction under the table. The nice young man from Business Link pointed to the slide and asked 'So how do you know you are married?' and his reply was 'When the sex stops'. I got a lift home from the nice lady from Tynemouth and heard how she is introducing real afternoon teas with cake stands and home baked cakes. I asked her what she thought. 'To be honest dear', she replied 'I usually find a nice moist portion of lemon drizzle does the trick.'

Where did you get that hat?

I was looking out of my window yesterday, at the waves, grey and crashing, at people walking their dogs, huddled over against the wind their collars pulled up against the cold, when I noticed a figure walking up Southcliff a man of around 80, his white hair carefully trimmed, elegant in smart black suit impervious it seemed to either wind or cold. He stopped each person who passed, touching their arm to ask something, but each time the people shook their heads, as if embarrassed, pulled their coats around them tighter and quickly went on their way. He became increasingly anxious , as if an issue of utmost importance was being addressed. I watched for a while, and hesitated, unsure of what to do. Then I grabbed my coat and scarf. I walked near to where he was standing and he approached me quickly, his white hair framing what was a handsome face still, with eyes of ocean blue. He placed his hand on my arm and looked into my face, speaking softly but urgently. ‘I’m looking for my hat’ he said. ‘I’m sure I had it. Must have blown off. Have you seen it?’I shook my head. ‘I’m sorry, I...' ‘It’s black’ he said, as if to jog my memory. ‘Felt, with a brim, not too wide. A bit worn you know, at the back, inside. I can’t understand where it’s gone.’ I apologised and feigned a quick look up and down the street. Then he thanked me sadly, and moved away, towards a young couple pushing a buggy. I took a few steps to follow him. Are you sure you had it?’ I asked. ‘Oh yes dear. Every day for 35 years I’ve worn that hat. My wife bought it for me when we first got married. That’s where I’ve been this morning you see, St Paul’s. We said out last goodbye today.’He turned to gaze across the bay, his eyes distant, as the waves washed away the present day. He smiled. ‘You’re not leaving this house without your hat Tommy, we don’t want you catching a cold do we’ she’d say, and then reach it down from the coat stand in the hall, she had to stand on her tip-toes she was such a tiny thing’. And I saw him as she must have, the 25 year old, newly married man still. He gave a chuckle‘Sometimes I’d forget on purpose, if we were dashing off, just to see if I could catch her out. But I never did.’ And his hand reached up to his head, as if remembering the touch of her fingertips. ‘Every day for 32 years. Then we’d walk along Southcliff together for our constitutional. Not so quick these last few months mind. That’s why today, of all days, I wanted to come here. I promised her that. Only I can’t seem to find my hat. ’ I thought for a moment. ‘You know come to think of it, I think I might have an idea where it is. Can you wait here a minute?’ I ran into the house. There on the coat stand inside the front door, was a trilby, left by one of the guests at Christmas, I knew the guest, and I knew he wouldn’t mind. ’ Is this it?’ I panted. He smiled and took it from me. ‘You found it!’ he said, fondly flicking a speck of dust off the brim. ‘I’d recognise her anywhere.’ He took the hat tenderly in his hand and walked towards the cliff edge. Then he held it aloft a brief moment before hurling it across the cliff, into the ocean. He turned. ‘I always hated that bugger.’ He said, then, sprightly as any 45 year old he jumped down, adjusted his tie and walked up the street. I think I noticed a bit of a swagger, but I couldn’t be sure.

Buttons and bourbons

I had a little visit from Darren my web designer today. Nice young man. It seems the time has come to stop posting out confirmation letters, and do it by email instead. Things move on. He said. I must say I feel a little sad, I don't think you can beat something exciting popping through your letter box of a morning. I asked Darren if he wanted a cup of tea and he said he wouldn't mind a 'cup of chino'. It must have been the expression on my face... it turns out Cappuccino is frothy coffee, (and a Latte is milky coffee, and an Espresso is black coffee in a very small cup). As he began to explain the new buttons on my data base I squeezed alongside him on the piano stool and offered him my bourbons. Well, his little face lit up - he'd never seen anything quite like that before! And he'd never even heard of a custard cream, and he just couldn't get enough of my fig rolls. 'It's all lemon muffins and granola bars these days.' He sighed mournfully, between mouthfuls.
As he was leaving he turned, looking at me sheepishly. I knew exactly what he was after. 'I wonder if I could...would you mind if I just...' I lifted down the biscuit barrel, wrapped a couple of bourbons in a doyley and slipped them into his pocket. As he walked away I noticed him smile and pat his package fondly. It's always nice to see another satisfied visitor at Southcliff.

Ode to a haggis, and a Seaside Landlady

I'm preparing for our Burns supper tonight. Okay I'm not Scottish but it's always a good excuse for a night of fne whisky drinking and poetry on a grey January day. I was trying to explain to our 3 Italian businessmen how we celebrate the bard's birthday with his favourite tipple, poetry and haggis, tatties and neeps. Once I convinced them the haggis wasn't an animal they were a bit taken aback by the ingredients - sheep's liver, heart, lungs and oatmeal cooked in the sheep's stomach, recently updated I understand with a dessert of deep fried Mars bar available from the local chippy. Judging by the expression on their faces as they glanced up from the online dictionary it has quite enhanced Britain's culinary reputation. So why not raise a glass with me this evening and celebrate the birthday of one of Scotland's best! (The bard and the haggis!) Judging by the poem below perhaps he and I met in a previous life. He could have booked in with me anytime!

O my Luve's like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June:
O my Luve's like the melodie,
That's sweetly play'd in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonie lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry.

Foxy Tales

I was up at 5.00 am this morning, looking out of my window across the sea wondering if anyone was across the sea looking out of their window at me. You see last night was the book club (or as the husbands call it 'The Wine Club'). We take it in turns to meet in each other's houses and everyone takes a bottle - Co-op pink fizz is the choice of the moment. (The host always has to supply several more.) I arrived home after midnight and an alcohol fuelled exhaustion lulled me to a quick slumber. However, at 5.00a.m I was wide awake. So there I was, in my curlers and pink mules, a cup of tea in one hand and two paracetamol in the other staring out across the still, pre-dawn ocean when I noticed - a dog? walking up Southcliff, keeping close to the wall. I looked around for it's owner, but as it got closer the large bushy tail gave it away and I realised that I was fnally witnessing The Southcliff Fox. I'd heard tell of him from the neighbours, (those with young children, or others setting out for an early fishing trip). He stopped outside my window and jumped over the low railings onto the grass on the cliff top, and then for no apparent reason stood perfectly still, turned and looked out to sea, raising his head as if listening for something from far away. Was he perhaps wondering if somewhere across the ocean another fox was standing like him, staring back? I felt a certain affinity with this elegant, wild, ethereal creature. He remained like this for a full 15 seconds, then, perhaps sensing my stare he turned, and trotted silently away. If when you stay, you find yourself up early in the morning, take a look out of the window. And if you see the Southcliff Fox, give him a wave from me.

Geordie Dictionary

Before setting off on your journey to Whitley Bay I thought you might like to know a little of the local language in case you get lost and requie assistance:
1. Plodge = paddle in the sea 'Let's go for a plodge, the sea's lovely'
3. Man = woman, man, boy, girl. Usually added at the end of a command or exclamation to soften it and as an friendly term of address. 'Hurry up man!'
4. Pet = darling, typically used to address a woman or child, but can be used to address a man by an older woman typically a female shop assistant. 'That looks lovely, pet.'
5. Why Aye = yes/absolutely. Often used in the phrase 'Why Aye man'
6. Howay = come on. 'Howay pet, we're going to be late' Also used to cheer on Newcastle United, 'Howay the lads!'
The Geordie dialect retains many features of English that have been lost in Standard English, such as the plural 2nd person 'yous', irregular past tenses (writ), double negatives (as used by Shakespeare, for emphasis).
I'll post another 5 words next week, and a test at the end of the month, so better get practising!

The Bells are Ringing

Congratulations to our guests in Priory Penthouse who are getting married today and staying on for their honeymoon. With their family over from Australia it is an exciting two weeks. I am reminded of our first ever honeymooners who stayed over 27 years ago when the apartments were owned by our neighbour Jean Davis. They made a return visit from South Africa last year to rekindle fond memories of starting out life together in Southcliff. They said it was every bit as special; except the stairs seemed to be a bit steeper!

Swimming at New Year

I was freezing standing on the bank in my arctic conditions coat watching my friend take a dip in the sea at Whitley Bay. (That's her in the black bikini.) The snow didn't deter the intrepid lot who went in freezing and came out smiling...eeee but we're tough up North!